This blessed little girl of mine has got me all worked up.
I have written a few times before about Indigo’s obsession with my breasts. Unlike North who fed until he was 20 months old, but did just that- fed, Indigo could spend all day playing, sucking, fiddling and cuddling up to my breasts. The mere sight of me is all it takes to remind her of the number one thing she likes doing best in this world- having milk. She has conversations with my breasts. They are her best friends. And although I hate to break up a good party, to be quite honest, this Mama has had enough. It’s not the fact that everywhere we go she pulls my shirt down in public, it’s not her age, I don’t really mind if she’s hungry or if she’s just looking for a bit of comfort, but what I can’t stand any longer is the frequency of her suckling. It has become a habit I just cannot sanely support any longer.
And so, from yesterday I have resoluted to firmly re-direct her attention and to remind her that “milk is for night night time”. It was a tough first day. She was absolutely beside herself with frustration and anger when I put on a summery turtleneck dress which gave her absolutely no access to her beloved milk. I offered fruit, cups of goat's milk, cuddles, toys and games as replacements yet there were still many sad and mournful tears. When it was naptime and she was allowed her “milky”, as she calls it, she let out a huge sigh of relief and I told her how proud I was of her for being such a “big girl”. The afternoon wasn’t quite as tough as the morning.
I have often mentioned how wonderfully amazed I am at how some women can feed for up to two years and beyond. It is no easy task. Between my two children I have now been breastfeeding for 3 1/2 years (minus a 3 month break before Indi’s birth). I am tired and at the end of my tether. I am so ready to reclaim my body. I don’t want this to become a resentful relationship. I would rather savour the last few months we have, set some rules straight and then wean gradually as opposed to cold turkey. If Indi can happily feed just at bedtimes without incessantly pulling my shirt down for a comfort suck, I will happily feed her until she turns two, but things need to be on my terms now, not hers.
I hope that after a few weeks of not having milk during the day she will forget that it was ever an option. The hardest thing for me will be to remember not to let the old habit kick in. A lot of her addiction to feeding is my own fault, because in the early days I found it more convenient to place her on my breast while I was attending to North or having a conversation, instead of offering an alternative comfort.
I am still demand feeding at night because we have found there is really no better way to get a good night’s sleep. I will also continue to feed her before her nap and bedtime.
Any advice on ‘weaning’ (as in slowly decreasing the number of feeds you offer) would be greatly appreciated. I am going to continue avoiding dummies and bottles in the hopes that when she, like her brother, is totally weaned there will be no other habits to break.
We will have a rough week for sure, but I hope that this change will lift all of our spirits in the end and take a heavy load off of me- physically and emotionally. I can't help but feel guilty for causing this stress in her life, North really weaned himself without ever a tear. It feels so different this time around. But on the other hand, I think this will also be good for her and I hope she will learn to have stress, challenges, fatigue and upsets head on with me right there behind her, instead of her face buried and hidden in my chest.
14 comments:
No advice, as I've not gone thru this yet, but I wanted to give you a hug anyway. Good luck!
Gosh...you sound exactly like me...right down to the age of your kids to the emotions you are feeling.I have tried to lessen the night feeds which works for a bit but then bubs reverts right back to the whole comfort feed thing. Daytimes she just naturally doesn't feed as long/as frequently. Spoke to the doc the other day after getting mastitis (due to varied feeding???)His opinion was that it was time to wean. I questioned him as to why so many professionals and people say that...yet the WHO recommends two years. His response. That the necessity to continue for extended period of time was due to third world contries and the need to use breastfeeding as a form of contraception. Interesting theory hey...Incorrect in my experience though seeing as I fell pregnant with I was breastfeeding.I am looking forward to seeing how you week pans out. I am feeling as though it has to be all or nothing now? Still debating? Does Indy feed to sleep during the day? I have had some success with putting her in her cot awake and staying in the room next to her. She has been falling asleep much quicker than if I pat her. Goodluck.
Weaning Cohen was like weaning North by the sounds of things. He wasn't very worried about it. I was left with no choice, as my specialist said I couldn't continue to feed on the thyroid medication I needed to go on. Cohen was about 18 months old and we'd remind him that Mama was sick and couldn't feed him anymore. We brought him a bright new cup and made a fuss about it.
But the best help, support and advice I got was from the Australian Breastfeeding Association. Have you tried giving them a call? Even just to have someone relate to your frustrations and who understands is so fantastic.
I'm sorry that I don't have any advice. I think what you're doing is perfect: gentle redirection coupled with loving firmness. I recently weaned my three and a half year old (he was just nursing to sleep at night). It's been several weeks and he still asks for it, but doesn't fuss so much when I tell him no.
My youngest sounds a bit like Indi. He'd love to be attached morning, noon, and night (and well, often is). He seems to go through.. phases. Sometime he wants it all the time, other times he's easily distracted by his brothers.
Best of luck to you. *hugs*
No advice sorry. Little Eco was equally obsessed with my breasts and I didn't manage to wean her till she was 3 1/2. I was worried she would never wean.
Sounds like you have a good plan in place. Good luck....and enjoy those quiet calm feeding moments while they last :-)
No real advice as every situation is so different. We weaned down gradually to just one milk feed before bed. At 18 months Miss Daisy decided she no longer wanted breastmilk and would simply say, "no, cot" and ask to go to bed! I was a little heartbroken but pleased we didn't have super trouble calling it quits.
We'd not had any middle of the night feeds in a long time and I bet these will be harder to wean off as she gets older... Good luck. It's a beautiful thing. I'm pregnant with #2 due in June and glad to have a few months where my body (well not my body but my breasts!) are just for me (and hubby?!? ;))
All the best. Always do what works best for you. No two situations are the same! xx
I am still breastfeeding my 27 month old but have cut down her feeds to two a day and none at night at age 2 after very frequent feeds. I was worried she was eating insufficient food. I found having strict rules around feeds (when she could and couldn't feed), lots of extra food/fluids, extra attention from daddy, going out a lot (to a park etc) so that she was distracted, my going out and leaving her with someone else and the occasional piece of chocolate (!) helped but it was still a bit rugged. Try to be clear what you want and explain it to her in simple terms and then not waver. She is fine now and eating much better. Good luck.
I will be watching these comments very closely - what a timely post for me, my girl is 13 months and I am just back at work, we are down to 2 to 3 feeds a day, but today for the first time ever she only had one side this morning before I left for work....yep by lunchtime I felf a familiar sensation and had to run to the ladies and use a heap of paper to stop the leakage then stand under the hand dryer to dry my shirt. I have tried to wean but its so hard, I have always had SO much milk. Good luck Meagan xx
This is a difficult passage Meagan, no doubt. As hard as it is your guilt is misplaced. Its not you that is causing the stress in her life at the moment, its change that is causing her frustration. I found this article helpful http://www.handinhandparenting.org/news/179/64/Weaning-Slowly-With-Love
While intellectually we know all the things written in the article above when you are in the thick of it its easy to lose sight. Have faith in yourself as a connected parent and be kind to yourself during this period of change. You know exactly what to do and how to do it already, you don't need advice from us, just a whole lot of love and perhaps a cup of tea. sending those to you right this minute. x
Nice to see I'm not alone in this! My boy is 28 months and I am now 7 weeks pregnant. I would like to wean him but he still asks frequently during the day and has never been put to bed without nursing. He nurses at night as well. I don't know where to start, it's so overwhelming but I need to rest before a new baby comes along, and he will be three when the new baby is born, so I think this is OK.
my friends who introduced the bottle very early tell me it's ME stressing over it and that Roman will be fine. But i think that they are wrong because when you wean a 6 month old who is already attached to the bottle, it's not an issue. weaning a toddler who has never known anything else is such a big deal. wish i had a magic wand.
good luck
Oh this brings back memories my eldest who is now 18 her whole reason for living was her "milky" and I breast fed her for 2 1/2 years and was over it. It became a habit for her too we would be out and she would pull up my shirt and say "milky mum" I really thought I would be going to school with her so she could have her milk for morning tea :) I was lucky when I weaned her because I wanted to go away for a weekend for a retreat and I told my daughter that the milky was going away and it wouldnt be coming back. After the weekend away I got back she tried a few times to lift my shirt and I just told her it was gone. Lucky she accepted that and drank cows milk, she still does, she loves her milk . I wish you luck.
We were the opposite (a little) until recently, bub would easily be distracted from a feed or not wnat one during the day, but would wake all night long. We have just "in the night" time weaned and she now has a feed in the morning and a massive feed before bed but nothing else. During the day she gets offered water, milk or rice milk and is always happy with that, often running to theh fridge to choose which she wants. I get the feeling of when you've juts been "touched out". It's hard when you first start off but I found that you need to be consistant. I know of friends who were able to go and give their babes milk when the were sick, but when I did that with Bub she was just confused more, so find what works for you and stick to it. Also I foudn it easier to work backwards, I asked myself what I wanted and why and then worked out how to achieve this. Fo us I didn't want to wean completely yet just night wean, so it was important bub knew what the boundaries were. Best of luck with it all. x
* WOW! Sorry for all the mistakes, was typing up a storm and didn't read it back! Stacey
I know exactly how you feel. My 21 month old boy is never off them. He follows me around crying and asking for 'Boo boo' if I don't give in to his demands. He feeds day and night and I'm so ready to have my body back to myself. So far though, I just haven't been able to reduce the feeds. He gets so thoroughly upset, screaming and yanking at my clothing. It's hard to deal with and it makes me cranky.
On top of this, he still wakes up several times a night and feeds back to sleep. He will cry and scream until he gets on the breast and then he ends up in our bed all night. This is not something I used to mind but I think that I am just touched out and want my bed and my body to myself.
Like you, my older child had no problems weaning. By the same age she was down to one morning feed a day and we just started leaping up to have breakfast and that was enough to close that breastfeeding window.
Im concerned that Finn will still be on the boob at 21!
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